#110 Amores Perros: If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans

2000. dir. Alejandro González Iñárritu, starring Emilio Echevarría, Gael García Bernal, Goya Toledo, Álvaro Guerrero, Vanessa Bauche. Spanish with subtitles.

Seen it before? No.



Some have called it the "Mexican Pulp Fiction". It's really three intersecting movies - well, in theory. The three plot lines come together in a violent car crash that is the climax of one plot, the start of another, and is witnessed in passing by the third. All three plots involve dogs in some way.

#1: Octavio y Susana. Octavio (Gael García Bernal) gets involved in the underground dogfighting circuit; makes a lot of money but then gets into trouble. Also he tries to steal his brother's woman Susana (Vanessa Bauche). His brother is a creepy asshole, and a criminal, but so is Octavio, so why should I sympathize with him? Oh, I guess the brother hits her and cheats on her, just as sort of a "kick the dog".

#2: Daniel y Valeria. While escaping from the gang, Octavio smashes into Valeria's (Goya Toledo) car, messing up her leg. Valeria is a model of some sort, having been introduced in an Unmotivated Close-Up on a talk show. Her dog gets stuck under the floorboards of her condo. Her boyfriend (Álvaro Guerrero) seems to take a very laid-back approach to getting it out.

#3: El Chivo y Maru. A craggy hitman known as "El Chivo" (Saddam Hussein) has to carry out a job, but he gets interrupted by the car crash. He steals Octavio's dog, and he has a daughter, and... eh, whatever, I didn't care by this point.

Don't see this movie if you're averse to animal cruelty; dogs suffer in this movie. (it says "no animals harmed", but I don't think I believe them.)

Position on the list: 163
While we're on the subject of Alejandro González Iñárritu: Babel. Saw it 2 years ago and I'm still mad. What did that stupid Japan plot have to do with anything? dammit.

#109 The Bourne Ultimatum: You look tired

2007. dir. Paul Greengrass, starring Matt Damon, Joan Allen, David Stratharin, Julia Stiles.

Seen it before? Yes.

The third of the Jason Bourne movies, which I think makes this the only movie series with just Part 3 on the list. Hmm, let's see...

Parts 1, 2, and 3: Star Wars, Lord of the Rings

Just parts 1 and 2: Alien, Terminator, Godfather

Just parts 1 and 3: Indiana Jones (no love for Temple of Doom!)

Just Part 1: Back to the Future, Rocky, Pirates of the Caribbean, Jaws, Psycho, Exorcist, Die Hard, probably others
Not sure where Silence of the Lambs fits in.

Anyway, this is probably the shittiest of the Bourne movies. First of all, it;s directed by Paul Greengrass, who can't show something even as simple as a conversation between two people without the camera wobbling and shaking the whole time. The action scenes are dizzying, and not in a good way. Second, Jason Bourne is just not an interesting character here. He had some humanity in Identity and Supremacy, but here he's just this humorless boring invincible robot who goes from place to place kicking the shit out of people. Third, why so many scenes copied from the first two movies? Yes, yes, you're standing across the street looking right at them as you're talking to them on the phone. You did that in the last movie!

I thought the whole thing had turned into a farce by the end. Let me describe a scene for you: Noah Vosen (David Stratharin) knows where Jason Bourne is, so he sends a bunch of agents after him. Bourne somehow escapes, and then they cut to Vosen looking frustrated and exasperated. This happens like 8 times! it got to the point that every time it happened I started saying "BOOOOOURNE!" in a Mr. Wilson from "Dennis the Menace" voice. It made the movie much funnier.

Especially ridiculous is the part when Bourne breaks in to the CIA to steal some files from Vosen's office. He's created a distraction to get everyone out of the office - I mean everyone, because apparently there wasn't any security? How the hell did he do that? But then he's stuck inside the CIA, and the screenwriters don't know how to get him out; Vosen has realized he's been duped, so the building is surrounded by CIA agents and the NYPD. Bourne has to escape with the files, or else the plot is over, so how does he escape? Uh, he steals a police car and drives away. Some guys chase him, but then Bourne crashes the car and, uhh, just walks away. Give me a break!

Position on the list: 151
I owned this movie: But somebody stole it. BOOOOOOURNE!!!

#108 La Strada: The Fool is hurt

1954. dir. Frederico Fellini, starring Anthony Quinn, Giulietta Masina. Italian w/ subtitles.

Seen it before? No.

Anthony Quinn plays Zampano, a traveling performer. His act is to bend a steel ring with his pectoral muscles. Eh, not that impressive. He buys a girl, Gelsomina (Giulietta Masina), to help him out. Yes, buys. I don't know if that sort of thing was legal back then, but whatever. Gelsomina is kind of slow and useless, which casues Zamapano all sorts of aggravation. She meets a guy she likes, another performer nicknamed "The Fool", whose act seems to involve walking a tightrope and being irritating. Zampano beats him to death, and I can't blame him.

Let's see, what else happened in this movie? I saw it 2 weeks ago so I'm kind of fuzzy. ... drawing a blank. Oh well, the mind is the first thing to go.

Position on the list: 224
The score: Written by Nino Rota... you know, the Godfather guy

#107 The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring: Drums in the deep

2001. dir. Peter Jackson, starring Elijah Wood, Ian McKellan, Sean Astin, Viggo Mortensen, John Rhys-Davies, Orlando Bloom, Cate Blanchett.

Seen it before? Yes.

Seen all 3 of these already but they just came out on Blu-ray so here we are. I tried reading the books once but I couldn't do it, mostly because Tolkien has this habit of making up words. It's very confusing... yes, I know, he's this genius linguist who invented whole languages, but I just want to be able to follow the story. Also the books went off on these long tangents that had nothing to do with the story, so in my opinion, the movies improved on the books by streamlining them. (Looking at you here, Tom Bombadil. I don't care what color your boots are.)

The streamlining is needed because these movies are long enough as it is. They would be 5 hours long if they captured everything. Certainly they are great movies, but enough is enough, right?

Position on the list: 18
I don't get it: If the elves got rings too, why didn't they turn into Ringwraiths? Don't answer that.

#106 Infernal Affairs: I don't know whether he's good or bad

2002. dir. Wai-keung Lau and Alan Mak, starring Andy Lau, Tony Leung, Anthony Wong, Eric Tsang. Cantonese with subtitles.

Seen it before? No, but I've seen The Departed, so sorta.

Yes, total remake of The Departed, but with some key differences. in fact it's pretty amazing how different these movies are. Don't worry about spoilers, if you've seen one, you've seen 'em both, plot wise, anyway...

First and most obvious difference is that Affairs is nearly an hour shorter. Thus there is much less plot, and less character development. We don't really get to see how Yan infiltrates Boss Sam's gang. Most of Sam's gang don't really get distinct personalities.

Departed consolidated three of the women characters into one -- in Affairs, the psychologist, Lau's girlfriend, and Yan's girlfriend are three separate people. This was controversial; personally I like the approach Departed used better, mainly because two of the three women in Affairs were basically given nothing interesting to do. Like, Yan's girlfriend shows up in one scene, and has a kid; she doesn't tell Yan that it's his child. Annnnnd... that's it. Dead end, no further relevance to the plot.

Lau's girlfriend is an author, and the book she's writing mirrors Lau's conflict. Eh, I thought this was a little too obvious.

Inspector Lau is the story equivalent of Matt Damon's character, but is hugely different. We don't really get a lot of motivation for why he acts as a mole. At the end of the movie, he repents, and doesn't die, because...

there is no equivalent for Sgt. Dignam (Mark Walberg) from Departed. Too bad because he was my favorite character... Actually this sort of messes up the plot, because when SP Wong dies, Yan has no more contact in the department.

The villain is an actual villain, and not just Jack Nicholson playing Jack Nicholson. Score on for Affairs, I guess.

Affairs is very serious; Departed is actually pretty funny in some parts. I think it's because the longer run time allows Departed more room to breathe.

In Affairs, it's made clear from the beginning that Boss Sam has multiple moles in the police department, but in Departed it's a surprise. This opens a plot hole in Affairs - wouldn't Lau know about the others? Since he's met them?

The climax of Affairs is very stylistically shot, with lots of jump cuts and slo-mo. I think the end of Departed, which is shot in a very blunt, straightforward way, has much more impact.

Position on the list: Bumped
Apparently there were two sequels: Think I'll pass

#105 Taxi Driver: How long have I been sleeping

1976. dir. Martin Scorsese, starring Robert DeNiro, Cybill Sheppard, Albert Brooks, Jodie Foster, Harvey Keitel.

Seen it before? Yes.

OK I'm like 8 reviews behind so let's do this. DeNiro is Travis Bickle, the titular Taxi Driver. Uhh, he's nuts. He thinks everyone in New York is deplorable scum and has all sorts of violent revenge fantasies. He meets a girl he likes, Betsy (Cybill Sheppard), and takes her out on a date. All goes well until their second date, when he takes her to a porno theater. (Let me point out here that there appear to be porno theaters on every street corner in this movie, not to mention various ho's, pimps, and thugs. New York in the 70's looks like a horrible, scummy place, and you could think of this movie as Scorsese's anti-Valentine to the city.) Well needless to say Betsy is turned off by the whole thing and starts to realize how much of a psychopath Bickle is. And then he goes further off the rails...

This movie features Bernard Herrmann's last movie score. It's a masterpiece, alternating between this cool, relaxing saxophone music and the more intense psycho music. Oh, and I have a theory about the ending: he's imagining it.

Position on the list: 39
Travis orders: Apple pie with melted cheese. sounds tasty

#104 In Bruges: Purgatory's kind of like the in-betweeny one

2008. dir. Martin McDonagh, starring Colin Farrell, Brendan Gleeson, Clémence Poésy, Ralph Fiennes.

Seen it before? Yes.

Colin Farrell and Brendan Gleeson play Ray and Ken, two hitmen who get exiled to Bruges by their boss (Ralph Fiennes) for botching a job - Ray was supposed to shoot a priest, but accidentally kills a little boy in the process. Bruges is a charming medieval town in Belguim. Ken loves it, but Ray is totally bored. I don't want to say any more about the plot because to do so would ruin it.

This is a very funny black comedy. This is probably the only movie I like Colin Farrell in. His character is such a foul-mouthed prick. The ending is brilliant; it's absurd, ironic, shocking, and hilarious all at once.

Position on the list: 186
A reunion of sorts: Three people in this movie were also in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. Hey, it's Fleur, Professor Moody, and Lord Voldemort!

#103 The Great Dictator: Humanity was kicked around somewhat.

1940. dir. Charlie Chaplin, starring Charlie Chaplin, Charlie Chaplin, Jack Oakie, Reginald Gardiner, Paulette Goddard.

Seen it before? No.

OK, so, you know how Charlie Chaplin looked sort of like Hitler? Well, apparently Chaplin himself realized this, and thus the idea for this 1940 comedy. Chaplin plays a dual role: he is a Jewish barber who fought in WWI and suffers from amnesia, and he is "Adenoid Hynkel", the raging ant-semitic dictator. (A title card at the beginning announces that any resemblance between the barber and Hynkel is "purely coincidence", surely a veiled Take That at Hitler's rumored Jewish ancestry.)

It's partly comedy, and partly dead-serious drama about the plight of the Jews in Nazi Germany. The comedy parts are reminiscent of Duck Soup, but not quite as funny. Bonus points for timeliness though, and the guy who plays the Mussolini stand-in was a riot.

At the end of the movie, the barber and Hynkel have switched places, but Chaplin pretty much abandons both characters to deliver a pro-democracy monologue directly to the camera, On Deadly Ground style. It must have been pretty shocking at the time, considering the US wasn't at war with Germany yet. It's great that he took the opportunity to denounce fascism, but it sort of derails the movie. Also, the economy is still in a depression, and since when does making speeches about hope and change actually fix anything?

Position on the list: 95
Fake language alert: Esperanto is used for the signs in the Ghetto. All the German is obviously fake also.

#100 Star Trek - I'd be offended if it wasn't true...

2009. dir. J.J. Abrams, starring Christopher Pine, Zachary Quinto, Zoe Saldana, Karl Urban, John Cho, Bruce Greenwood, Simon Pegg, Eric Bana.

Seen it before? Yes.

Oh Chris Pine, I love you so...whoops, sorry Sam. One could argue that the rest of the Star Trek series would be for naught but that would not take into account the point of this movie - to start a new set of stories...for a new generation of would-be Trekkies. Spock Prime, as Sam put him, still exists in this universe. He knows how the alternate reality unfolded. No big deal.

First I have to talk about the casting...have you seen these guys?:

The casting was spot on. At first I was like, Chris Pine as James T. Kirk? Sha, as if...but then I watched the movie and you know what? He wasn't half bad!

I thought the story in and of itself was interesting...in a world where time travel is possible why wouldn't it make sense that the old Spock stir things up (unintentionally) by coming back to the past and changing the history of the world he came from? I like the little twists of whom was a love interest for who and how Spock and Kirks' relationship was so rocky at the beginning...of this movie anyway. The special effects were amazing too!

I could write about a million things but I really think you should watch this movie if you haven't already! As a person who watched the original movies and series I must say that I wasn't disappointed...on a side note - Sam called me a "Trekkie" as we got ready to watch this movie...at first I was shocked and asked him why he considers me a "Trekkie" he answered by asking me how many Star Trek movies I had seen in the theater...I was thinking about it, because I do remember having seen at least two or three on the big screen. And he said, "If you've seen more than one, you are a "Trekkie"!" REALLY!?!?!?!

See it again? AND AGAIN AND AGAIN
Own it? Already do!!! =)
FYI - yes, that is Winona Ryder and oddly enough that IS Eric Bana...who knew?

#99 The Sixth Sense - Where do I begin?

1999. dir. M. Night Shyamalan, starring Bruce Willis, Haley Joel Osment, Toni Collette, Olivia Williams.

Seen it before? Yes, a few dozen times..

You know how this one goes right? Oh, you don't? Well, where the hell were you in 1999?

HJO plays Cole Sear a kid who is being followed by dead people who have tales to tell. They're not all mean to him, they can't see other dead people, and this makes him not so popular among his school chums. Bruce Willis plays Dr. Malcolm Crowe, a shrink who specializes in working with children...and can't understand why he can't talk to his own wife...Toni Collette is Cole's mom. She has no idea what her son is going through but is trying as best as she can to make things go as well for him as they possibly can. Olivia Williams is Willis' wife...and she seems sad...

I'll be perfectly honest with you. I didn't get it until the very end the first time sitting through this. It chilled me to the bones and I wanted to see it over and over. If you're going to see this movie for the first time I recommend not reading Sam's post or any others about this movie. Let it get under your skin. It's more enjoyable that way.

Cameo - yes, that is Mischa Barton as a young girl.
See it again? Absolutely
Own it? Sure, why not?
BTW Sam said that they were initially going to cast HJO as Harry Potter in the series before deciding to go with an all British cast...thank goodness for that...I don't think I could have sat through the movies if it were anyone other than Daniel Radcliffe...Crap! Did I just admit to that?!?!?