Saturday, February 13, 2010

#49 Pirates Of The Caribbean: Curse Of The Black Pearl: More what you'd call guidelines

2003. dir. Gore Verbinski, starring Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom, Keira Knightley, Geoffrey Rush.

Seen it before? Yes.

There are two people making fantasy/sci-fi movies these days... their names are Goofus and Gallant.

Goofus can't write a good script. His movies are meandering and pointless, and you're constantly scratching your head wondering what's happening.
Gallant writes tight, controlled screenplays where everything makes sense, and there's a good dramatic arc from beginning to end.

Goofus refuses to set down any rules for what happens in his movies, leading to a third act where anything can happen to anyone because whatever.
Gallant makes rules and sticks to them, and these rules can be explained in a few sentences. For example:
There's a chest of cursed gold coins. Anybody who steals them is cursed until all of the gold is returned.
Goofus can't write good characters either. They just do whatever they need to do to keep the plot moving, no matter how idiotic or nonsensical.
Gallant writes strong, identifiable characters with clear-cut motivations.

Goofus is also a bad director. His movies are poorly paced, with lots of dead time. His action scenes are confusing and badly framed, so you can never really get a good look at what's happening. There's usually lots of crappy CGI and gratuitous special effects.
Gallant is more concerned with telling a good story than showing off. His movies are well-paced, and it's always clear what's going on. The special effects are used when appropriate, and look natural and realistic.

Goofus made the Star Wars prequel trilogy.
Gallant made the original Star Wars trilogy.

Goofus made the Transformers movies.
Gallant made the Lord of the Rings movies.

Goofus made Harry Potter and The Goblet Of Fire. He also wrote the novel.
Gallant made all of the other Harry Potter movies.

Goofus made the Kingdom Of the Crystal Skull.
Gallant made the Raiders of The Lost Ark..

Goofus made the second two Pirates movies.
Gallant made Pirates Of The Caribbean: Curse Of The Black Pearl.

Sad, isn't it, that Goofus and Gallant are often the same person?

Position on the list: 220
Drinking game: Drink whenever anyone says the word "Pirate"


  1. estimate on the amount of "pirate" in the movie?

  2. Actually I've already watch this movie and it is really great.